I LIKE MOVIES #18: DEMOLITION MAN

I wanted a bad action fix so I popped in Demolition Man. I hadn't seen it in years and was kind of surprised by how fun it still is. Part of the fun is how poorly it is aging. It all looks very early 90s and the timeline established within the movie will only become sillier as the real years go by. It's like when you watch Back to the Future II and wonder where your hoverboard is. The fancy pants future, in the case of Demolition Man, is 2032. So within the span of two generations there will be no more murder, no more swearing, and no more sex. A hard pill to swallow but who's looking for realism when this is clearly a case of big dumb escapism action?

Could it be that I'm just a pessimist and I can't imagine a social utopia arriving in the next two decades? Nah. They should have just set it a few hundred years later. You're trying to tell me that people won't know what toilet paper is in 2032? Get real, sista. Let's get back on topic.

Stallone plays John Spartan, a cop who plays by his own rules, who marches to the beat of his own drummer, who does what the the other cops won't, who takes it to the bad dudes despite the reprimands of his superiors, etc, etc. Wesley Snipes plays Simon Phoenix, the kind of amped up bad guy that they just don't seem to make anymore. The two get cryogenically frozen and subsequently thawed out in the TWENTY FIRST CENTURY! There is a plot involving political motivations and assassination attempts. But the whole affair is played lightly and the focus is on explosions and gun fights and jokes about how drastically times have changed.



Wesley Snipes seems to "get" this movie and just has fun with it. Some might say he hams it up, but that's the job of the villain in this type of action movie. His clothes and hair are spot on when it comes to dropping this movie into a time capsule. These are the elements that age like a fine wine. A wonderful Bad Action vintage.

Sandra Bullock adds the "sassy love interest" element that is essential in all great Bad Actioners. Though there is a lurking suspicion that she may be Spartan's daughter, luckily nothing ever comes of it. It would be weird, like when Princess Leia plants one on Luke in Empire. But weirder. Because they have that virtual reality head gear sex.

Demolition Man is a sci-fi/action movie that relies a lot on comedy to lighten the mood. It tries to put some social commentary in the humor for good measure but doesn't get bogged down in it. Like I said, it's big dumb escapism and a fun movie. I doubt the filmmakers expected Dennis Leary's character to inspire the nation to rise up and take to the streets, sticking it to the man from sea to shining sea.

So, yeah. Watch Demolition Man if you want. I give it 2 out of 3 seashells.

I LIKE ACTION EXTRAVAGANZAS!

Summer is over and Fall has officially fallen. I didn't get to the movies as much as I would have liked but that was partially due to the fact there weren't a lot of movies that warranted my eleven dollars per pop. Though the two movies that I looked forward to the most certainly did deliver.



The Expendables was my number one most anticipated movie of the Summer. It promised a lot and didn't let me down. What can I say at this point that hasn't already been said? Look at the cast and if you say to yourself, "this sounds like the greatest movie ever made," then certainly go see it. If you look at that cast and say, "aren't those guys old farts?" then go see it anyway. You might be surprised. Decades of action movie experience are put into this baby and it's done with care, love, and explosions. Now if you look at that cast and say, "this looks like the stupidest movie ever. I would never watch that in a million years," then we just don't see eye to eye, my friend (if I can indeed still call you that).

Story-wise The Expendables is a pretty straightforward movie. A team of elite tough dude mercenaries go to South America to overthrow a cruel puppet dictator whose strings are being pulled by smarmy American Eric Roberts. Blood is shed, things are blown up, quips are made, fights are had, America wins. Certainly a great time at the movie theater. I'm so glad to see Stallone's recent track record looking so strong and seeing Dolph Lundgren on the big screen was a treat. The Expendables gets a billion blown up bad dudes out of a billion. Bring on the sequel.



Machete was a movie I had been waiting for since the phony trailer in Grindhouse. Did it deliver? In many ways yes. It's main flaw was that it was almost too ambitious. Whereas it should have been more like Desperado, it was actually more like Once Upon A Time in Mexico. Now if that is the main complaint, then we are still dealing with a great piece of entertainment. It opened strong right out of the gate but it lacked the stylistic flairs that should have permeated the entire affair. In a way it felt more modern then it should have. And the ending battle felt a little anticlimactic.

But the goods outnumber the bads here, for sure. First of all, Danny Trejo in a starring role gives it points. Robert Deniro having fun hamming it up as a corrupt senator also gives it points. Jeff Fahey as the villain with the most face time, holding the ship on a steady course, definitely gets points. Steven Seagal's last scene most certainly gets points. Combine all that with over the top violence, commentary on border issues, Don Johnson, Jessica Alba, Michelle Rodriguez, and Danny Trejo bedding every woman he encounters like James Bond and you have a recipe for a good time at the movies. Once again I'll say, "bring on the sequel." Trejo is ready and able to be a leading man, especially in exploitation-style action movies. I can see him taking up the Golan Globus-era Charles Bronson mantle.

Machete gets my arbitrary rating of 870 Danny Trejo face creases out of 963.


Oh I almost forgot. The A Team came out this summer as well.



I'll put it this way. If you like the show, you'll enjoy the movie. Unless of course you love the show and you can't imagine a world without Dirk Benedict. It was an excellent popcorn action movie. The characters were pretty spot on, although I found B.A. Baracus a little forgettable. So you have Darkman, Handsome Bradley Cooper, Sharlto Copley, and a guy with Mr. T's haircut and a lot of explosions and witty banter. It's either the kind of movie you'll like for what it is or you won't. Did you see the trailer? If you saw a tank being parachuted out of a plane and thought it was a great idea, then this movie is right up your alley. And tanks shooting down planes while falling from the sky is definitely up my alley. That's an idea I can get behind.

The A Team was a fun action movie that tided me over while I waited for The Expendables. Once again . . . bring on the sequel. As Long as Darkman is still in it. My arbitrary rating system gives The A Team 17 plans coming together out of 21.