I LIKE MOVIES #17: LEGION

Legion is a collage of many other movies that came before it. There are elements of The Prophecy, The Terminator, Night Of The Living Dead, Maximum Overdrive, and any mumber of demonic possession movies. It's basically a B-movie with a budget, perfect for a rainy afternoon. What the movie lacks in well-thought-out, plot hole-free storytelling, it makes up for in popcorn action and an unobtrusive sense of selfawareness. It isn't trying to be an epic. It's trying to be a fun time at the movies.

The gist is this: God realized one morning that humans are wasting their existence with wars and crime and hatred. All those things that get attributed to "human nature." So he sends his angels to Earth on a mission of extermination. Particularly crucial to this task is the killing of an unborn child in a desert truck stop. If you want to kill roaches you've gotta kill the eggs too. This kid will grow up to save the human race. His name will be John Connor or Jesus: Part II. The Archangel Michael disagrees with God's plan and severs ties with his wings and the holy community in order to fight in defense of the human race. With badass machine guns and knives. Can Michael show God the error of his ways?

I think the makers of Legion grew up watching a lot of genre movies and kept many of their influences on their sleeves while making it. It feels sort of nostalgic for a time when horror and sci-fi could just have a premise and competent actors and keep you entertained for an hour and a half, no strings attached.

With that said, the movie isn't perfect by any means. The first half is a lot of fun. The last half kind of drags. There is a great deal of lost potential when there is an army of demons that don't do much of anything but get mowed down in droves by machine guns. The characters were defined just enough to know everyone's role in the apocolyptic situation at hand. Oddly enough the least defined characters are the two leads, the pregnant waitress and the kid from Sling Blade.

I would watch another one of these but if they want to make a part 2 they'll need to up the ante. I would like to see what was happening to the rest of the world during this angelic extermination. You know, big city batte scenes, stylized end of the world sort of stuff, more demons.

I know they aren't demons. They're angels. But whatever.

I'll give Legion today's arbitrary rating of 758 Terminator homages out of 1322.

I LIKE ACTION EXTRAVAGANZAS!

Summer is over and Fall has officially fallen. I didn't get to the movies as much as I would have liked but that was partially due to the fact there weren't a lot of movies that warranted my eleven dollars per pop. Though the two movies that I looked forward to the most certainly did deliver.



The Expendables was my number one most anticipated movie of the Summer. It promised a lot and didn't let me down. What can I say at this point that hasn't already been said? Look at the cast and if you say to yourself, "this sounds like the greatest movie ever made," then certainly go see it. If you look at that cast and say, "aren't those guys old farts?" then go see it anyway. You might be surprised. Decades of action movie experience are put into this baby and it's done with care, love, and explosions. Now if you look at that cast and say, "this looks like the stupidest movie ever. I would never watch that in a million years," then we just don't see eye to eye, my friend (if I can indeed still call you that).

Story-wise The Expendables is a pretty straightforward movie. A team of elite tough dude mercenaries go to South America to overthrow a cruel puppet dictator whose strings are being pulled by smarmy American Eric Roberts. Blood is shed, things are blown up, quips are made, fights are had, America wins. Certainly a great time at the movie theater. I'm so glad to see Stallone's recent track record looking so strong and seeing Dolph Lundgren on the big screen was a treat. The Expendables gets a billion blown up bad dudes out of a billion. Bring on the sequel.



Machete was a movie I had been waiting for since the phony trailer in Grindhouse. Did it deliver? In many ways yes. It's main flaw was that it was almost too ambitious. Whereas it should have been more like Desperado, it was actually more like Once Upon A Time in Mexico. Now if that is the main complaint, then we are still dealing with a great piece of entertainment. It opened strong right out of the gate but it lacked the stylistic flairs that should have permeated the entire affair. In a way it felt more modern then it should have. And the ending battle felt a little anticlimactic.

But the goods outnumber the bads here, for sure. First of all, Danny Trejo in a starring role gives it points. Robert Deniro having fun hamming it up as a corrupt senator also gives it points. Jeff Fahey as the villain with the most face time, holding the ship on a steady course, definitely gets points. Steven Seagal's last scene most certainly gets points. Combine all that with over the top violence, commentary on border issues, Don Johnson, Jessica Alba, Michelle Rodriguez, and Danny Trejo bedding every woman he encounters like James Bond and you have a recipe for a good time at the movies. Once again I'll say, "bring on the sequel." Trejo is ready and able to be a leading man, especially in exploitation-style action movies. I can see him taking up the Golan Globus-era Charles Bronson mantle.

Machete gets my arbitrary rating of 870 Danny Trejo face creases out of 963.


Oh I almost forgot. The A Team came out this summer as well.



I'll put it this way. If you like the show, you'll enjoy the movie. Unless of course you love the show and you can't imagine a world without Dirk Benedict. It was an excellent popcorn action movie. The characters were pretty spot on, although I found B.A. Baracus a little forgettable. So you have Darkman, Handsome Bradley Cooper, Sharlto Copley, and a guy with Mr. T's haircut and a lot of explosions and witty banter. It's either the kind of movie you'll like for what it is or you won't. Did you see the trailer? If you saw a tank being parachuted out of a plane and thought it was a great idea, then this movie is right up your alley. And tanks shooting down planes while falling from the sky is definitely up my alley. That's an idea I can get behind.

The A Team was a fun action movie that tided me over while I waited for The Expendables. Once again . . . bring on the sequel. As Long as Darkman is still in it. My arbitrary rating system gives The A Team 17 plans coming together out of 21.