Since it's Father's Day I think we should make all of the real life fathers out there look a little better by comparison to these terrible movie dads. You don't like your pop? Well how would you like one of these assholes instead?
Honorable Mention: The Dads of The Breakfast Club
Whether they are overbearing or totally oblivious, the parents in The Breakfast Club have helped screw up their kids as much as any other aspect of high school life.
#10: William Munny from Unforgiven
He's a widower with two young kids and a small farm. So he takes off with some dudes to go kill some other dudes to collect the bounty on their heads. He basically leaves his kids alone to go off on a get rich quick scheme. Great movie, terrible dad.
#9: Bill from Kill Bill
He may have been a great dad at home with his little girl. That doesn't change the fact that he shot the mother of his child in the head when she was in the final stretch of her pregnancy.
#8: Jack Torrance from The Shining
He's got a short temper and had already hurt his son before the events of the movie. Add some cabin fever and some malevolent ghosts to push him over the edge and soon enough he's chasing his son with an ax. Happens to the best of us.
#7: Keyser Soze from The Usual Suspects
If you came home to find that your wife had been raped and one of your children had been murdered by a Hungarian mob that wanted you out of town would you: a) salvage what's left of your family and repent your evil ways, b) go out fighting while trying to save your family, or c) kill your own wife and kid to send a message back to the message senders? Keyser Soze picked C.
#6: Ed Wilson from Natural Born Killers
He's abusive and lecherous to his daughter. He doesn't get much screen time but he makes the most of that time to let us all know that he's a repulsive man and horrible father. No respect, I tell ya. No respect.
#5: Daniel Plainview from There Will Be Blood
It's always a bad start to the father/son relationship when your only interest in having (AKA stealing) a son is to put forth a particular business image. All that H.W. is for his father is a marketing tool and a gimmick. By the time Daniel has reached the gutter of his madness, he dismisses his adopted boy as a "bastard in a basket" and severs ties. And he was always drinking H.W.'s milkshakes.
#4: Denethor from Return of the King
In the ultimate display of "Dad Liked You Better," Faramir leads troops on a suicide mission at his father's request to prove his love and allegiance. He does this even after Denethor admits that he wishes that Faramir was dead and that his brother, Boromir, was still alive. Then when Faramir comes home in need of serious medical attention Denethor decides to ignite his still breathing body in a funeral pyre.
#3: Karl's Dad from Sling Blade
What kind of dad has two thumbs and keeps his son in a dirt-floor shed outside the house and then one day hands him a box with an almost-aborted baby brother in it to bury alive out back? This dad!
#2: Darth Vader from That Movie About The Spaceships
Probably the most iconic deadbeat dad ever, Darth Vader blows up innocent planets, chops off his son's hand, threatens to corrupt both of his children's moral characters by bringing them to The Dark Side, and strangles people with his mind. He sounds kind of awesome. And he is. Until you learn of his whiny early years in the new trilogy. Either way, he's not parenting material. Come to think of it, he was a better father to C3PO (when he invented him as a child for some reason) than he was to either of his biological children and he ended up leaving him behind too. Vicious cycle.
#1: Daniel Hillard from Mrs. Doubtfire
Here's the deal if you're Daniel Hillard: Your wife divorces you because you are a bad father. So you dress up like an elderly woman to infiltrate the family again. You interfere in your ex-wife's love life and lie to your kids every time you see them. Then one night at a fancy dinner, you get hammered, try to kill Pierce Brosnan with cayenne pepper, and tear off your old woman face to traumatize your youngest daughter and hopefully scare your ex-wife into loving you again. This is the twisted psyche of a dangerous sociopath.
Happy Father's Day and thanks for reading!
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