Monday, April 21, 2008

I LIKE THE ROCKINGNESS OF THIS JUICY FRUIT COMMERCIAL



Never before has chewing gum been so exciting! When I was a kid I always found this commercial interesting. There is just so much to digest in that 30 second advertisement. It really goes for the gold at trying to appeal to all of your senses. There is the awesome theme song, the visual bombardment of exciting action and smiling friends having "good times," and they even acted out the process of sniffing a stick of the delicious Juicy Fruit. But I always felt as if this commercial wasn't for me. I was clearly not the demographic. The people in this commercial were the bad guys in every movie I saw growing up. A beaming gaggle of douche bags in sweaters on skis. That might as well have been Billy Zabka up there on the screen personally breaking my skis while telling me that I'll never finish the big race, all while smooching the leg-warmered girl of my dreams. What a bully. Lucky for me I didn't have any skis!

There is just something so great about the people in this commercial. A heaping truck load of Blake's, Bryce's, and Muffy's comes screaming up to the mountain for a fine day of skiing, smiling, avoiding black people, and chewing some gum. And at about 5 seconds in we catch a glimpse of a denim-clad meathead who, if this commercial were stretched to a feature length story of gum and excitement, would be the comic buffoon with a cool nickname like "Moose." He would have been my favorite character, what with all his mishaps and shenanigans.

I think their leader, the true heel of the story, the one who beats his girlfriend the hardest, would have to be the Hasselhoff look-alike who takes that vulgar sniff of the Juicy Fruit package as it's raked under his nostrils. I think it would be a safe bet that at some point, before or after this commercial was made, that guy had an amazing mustache and that he most likely committed date rape in a jeep.

Even though the scenario in this commercial involves young, rich white people, there is a common denominator that lets us all enjoy it equally and pine for a good chew session. And that is the epic soundtrack. I don't know if there is a sanctioned body that judges or ranks these things but this has to be one the all time best commercial jingles. The music will stick in your head all day, like a chewy wad of Juicy Fruit stuck to your gray matter. And lyrically it hammers home just how exciting this product is. It preaches a doctrine of savoring your Juicy Fruit, not just chomping it all willy-nilly. "Take a sniff." Indulge in it's decadence. "Pull it out." No. Slowly.

And then they blow your mind. They present the viewer with a maneuver that the normal man has been trying to replicate for decades: the bending gum stick insertion! Man I bet that taste is gonna move her. But it only seems to work on TV. I remember dozens of kids trying this with the concrete gum that came in packs of baseball cards and it only resulted in tears and bloodied tongues.

Once that gum has been sniffed, pulled, and popped into a mouth, those yuppies burst into gravity defying feats of downhill glory. That's the power of gum, or at least the power of Juicy Fruit. I heard a rumor that it's gonna move you. And then the commercial ends with Chester sticking an excellent landing and thowing his arms up in triumph. If he hadn't chewed the big JF his legs would have shattered like glass. More commercials should rock this hard.

And by the way, if this mountain is anywhere near Camp Crystal Lake all of these people are dead. Not even Juicy Fruit can stop Jason. And these folks look like Jason magnets. I'm going to miss "Moose."

I don't even like gum all that much. But I like this commercial.

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