I LIKE GETTING READY FOR HALLOWEEN

With Fall approaching and bringing with it the Halloween season, I decided to dust off this blog again. I am going to try to cover all the horror movies I watch this season. Every year I rev up for All Hallow's Eve with weeks and weeks of horror movies. This year should be no different! I already started, inadvertently, by catching Motel Hell the last week. So let's get the 2015 Spooky Views underway!

Motel Hell is a cult classic that I appreciate more as an older viewer than I did as a teenager. It's also the second most notable aspect of Rory Calhoun's career (number one, of course, is being Mr. Burns' gold standard of someone/something standing and walking).

Back in my collecting days I used to have a great "big box" version of this movie on VHS put out by MGM. I grabbed it from an old video store's stock based solely on the art work. At the time, I was too preoccupied with the unbelievability of the love story between Farmer Vincent and Terry and I didn't see the camp and the humor as much as I do now. There are parts of this movie that feel like John Waters-doing-Tobe-Hooper. It's just so weird that it's appealing.

Rory Calhoun's Farmer Vincent and his sister Ida (played with grinning insanity by Nancy Parsons) run the Motel Hello but the pesky neon "O" at the end of their sign keeps flickering out. They also sell Farmer Vincent's Fritters and assorted smoked meat products. They are just so tasty! What could his secret ingredient be? "It takes all kinds of critters to make Farmer Vincent's fritters!"

The ending still hold up. The iconic image of this movie is that of Farmer Vincent wearing a pig's head and wielding a chainsaw. If you see that picture on the back of a VHS you need to rent that bad boy!

Meat's Meat and Man's Gotta Eat!

It was better than I had remembered and both Rory Calhoun and Nancy Parsons seem to be having such a fun time that it draws you in to the weird world of the Motel Hello. I am leaving out a lot of the strange details but just check it out. I think the less you know, the more perplexing and enjoyable your viewing will be. My arbitrary rating today is three and a half Rory Calhouns out of five.

This is one I've seen a million times and it never gets old. The zombies look great, the gore is fantastic, bleak humor permeates, and it's got a great soundtrack. And, if the internet is to be believed, it was Return of the Living Dead that introduced the concept of the brain eating zombie to our wonderful world. It's so strange to think that before 1985 zombies never cried out into the night for delicious brains.

It's a classic. Arbitrary rating: 13 graveyard ghoulies out of 13!

I had actually never seen It's Alive before so this was a treat. Basically a woman gives birth to a horrible monster-baby with claws and fangs. I think the best thing about this movie is that everyone gets onboard immediately. After the birth the delivery room is full of dead doctors and nurses and the baby is missing. There is blood everywhere. People have been mauled. And everybody's first thought is: hey, this must be the work of some hideous monster baby. No one thinks that maybe some crazy murderer stole the baby or any number of other possible scenarios.

John P. Ryan really digs into his role as the father of this abomination. Ryan really won me over with his villainous turn in Death Wish 4: The Crackdown. Ever since I saw his performance in that my interest is always piqued when I spot him in something I am watching.

I enjoyed this as a trashy low budget late night shocker. I will definitely be seeking out the sequels as well. I've got to find out what further adventures and hijinks a deformed monster-baby can get himself into. Today's arbitrary rating gives It's Alive 462 baby fangs out of 689.

Most likely due to the enormous success of Mad Max: Fury Road, Wyrmwood is being marketed as "Mad Max meets Zombies." that description kind of works. It's definitely fun if you like action heavy zombie movies. It feels kind of like two movies pieced together, and since it was filmed over four years on weekends that may actually be the case. It is an impressive example of perseverance, ingenuity, and desire by creative filmmakers. There are some great stylish flairs and unique moments. Overall very fun but it's missing something that I haven't quite been able to put my finger on. I'll arbitrarily rate it 8 zombie mouth farts out of 11. Check it out!

Let's see if I can keep this up. Hopefully I'll check back in soon with some more. I am definitely ready for the Fall to get here. I need some crunchy leaves underfoot.

I LIKE MOVIES #9: Survival of the Dead

George Romero has made three of the greatest zombie movies ever made. With Night, Dawn, and Day he laid the ground work for the majority of the zombie genre. His newest movie, Survival of the Dead, is the sixth in the "Dead" series and the first one to directly connect a character to its predecessor. So it is the first "sort-of-direct-sequel." When he made Diary of the Dead in 2007, he went back to the beginning, to the first night that the dead came back to life. Part of Survival's story follows a character briefly encountered in Diary.

The other part of the story follows two rival families living on an island, the Muldoons and the O'Flynns. These two families are clashing over the proper way of dealing with the reanimated dead. O'Flynn wants a bullet in every walking corpse and Muldoon wants to keep the dead restrained and hope for God's judgement or perhaps even a cure.

Given that this is a George Romero movie, I was surprised that this war of ideologies was not entirely beaten like a dead horse (the phrase "dead horse" being unintentionally funny after having watched the movie). And I say that with love. I really do love his first three Dead movies, and I definitely enjoyed the later three entries. It just seems that with this newest installment Romero restrained himself from an overindulgence into themes of religious zealotry in favor of shootouts and a general theme of people with different ideas not being able to live peaceably together, dead or alive. And for me that was a good thing. Fans who have left his previous two zombie films with unfulfilled expectations will probably feel similarly after watching Survival. This isn't the grand epic of world wide proportions everybody seems to keep wishing for from George Romero.

Instead of letting social commentary overwhelm the movie (as I worried it might have earlier on) Romero goes for laughs and a quick pace. This isn't as much a horror movie as it is a modernized Western with zombie gags. The zombies do not provide scares for us or for the characters they are trying to eat. They are nonchalantly manhandled by characters throughout the movie. The focus of the story is more on how the dead are treated by the characters.

For example, the idea of family members unable to kill one another after they have become the walking dead has been explored in Romero's other movies. Most memorable might be the scene in Dawn of the Dead, when we see the basement of an apartment building full of what used to be tenants' relatives but are now flesh eating ghouls. It was scary and kind of sad as Roger and Peter had to put them all down. In Survival, the dead are treated like cattle or livestock. But not scary. Just another day on the farm for the Muldoons. I think it was an intentional transition though.

Since the movie doesn't get too bogged down in social commentary, which is always a danger in the genre, there is room for playing. George Romero introduced the movie when I saw it and described it as having several "Looney Tunes" moments. He went on to say that people should not be afraid to laugh. It's a movie. Have fun. Perhaps it was due to this granting of permission, but the audience was going wild for some of the more outlandish stuff and I was glad. It seems George Romero is at a point where he just wants to have some fun with his zombies. It was as if the scene from Diary with Samuel the Amish mute had spread out into most of this movie. There was a lot of silliness to be had here.

Zombies get lobotomized with fire extinguisher foam, used as cigarette lighters, ride horseback, and try to do chores around the farm while some of the living characters are entertainingly cartoonish with ridiculous accents. There is even a scene where a wall gets exploded, leaving the men who were hiding behind it comically covered in ash, like Yosemite Sam after pushing an ill-prepared dynamite plunger. These are, for the most part, what I consider intentional laughs. On the other hand there are moments that made me laugh that I don't think were supposed to. The introduction of a character's twin was a little iffy story-wise but hilarious nonetheless. And the end result of Muldoon's training zombies to eat something other than humans played out comically as well. I don't think it had the intended impact. Although I must say that the final shot of the movie is pretty great.

Bottom line, America: I had a fun time at the movies. Survival of the Dead is not the living dead epic that hardcore fans have been awaiting, but I'm totally fine with watching George Romero have fun with his zombies.

Today's arbitrary rating says that Survival of the Dead gets 46 empty graves out of 57.

I LIKE MOVIES #6: FIDO

Fido is a satirical look at the American family ideals of 1950s. The movie opens with a great 1950s style school scare/safety film. It's very informative. You see, space dust has caused the dead to come back to life and eat the living. But with the help of ZOMCOM and their handy services and appliances you and your family can still live the perfect everyday life in your perfect neighborhood. And your domesticated zombie servant (controlled by the ZOMCOM collar, of course) can water your perfect lawn and bring you lemonade. Zombies deliver the milk and the mail and every family on the block should have at least one. I mean what would the neighbors think if the Robinsons didn't have even one zombie?

The movie sticks to its Cold War American aesthetic throughout the movie. The colors are bright, the lawns are manicured, and from the clothes to the cars to the kid's bed sheets (which cartoonishly depict the Zombie Wars) there doesn't seem to be a detail out of place. Instead of fearing nuclear bombs or commies, the kids at school are taught to fear perimeter fence breaches by zombies or a neighbor's ZOMCOM collar going on the fritz.

When Mrs. Robinson brings home the family's first zombie, her son Timmy quickly bonds with it. He becomes a pet rather than a servant. Hence the name Fido, in case you were wondering. He protects Timmy from bullies, plays fetch, and when his collar breaks he eats a crabby old neighbor. Timmy and his mother spend the movie protecting their zombie from the powers that be while Mr. Robinson deals with his repressed zombie issues.

On the surface all of these families within the fence seem idyllic. But of course they all have their issues. When they aren't judging the guy next door for his strange relationship with his young female zombie, they are worrying about what everybody else is saying about them and their zombies. Too many topics become taboo at the dinner table and communication fizzles away. Dylan Baker, as the father who refuses to acknowledge his son's curious questions, is great. Just look at him. He was born to play a 1950s dad.

I'm sure this would be billed as a horror-comedy, but really it's just a comedy. There aren't any scares (although there is a little gore if you're the squeamish type). It doesn't try to force a message, it just presents a ludicrous situation and gets laughs by playing it straight. Even when Timmy sends his zombie to get help and it plays out like a Lassie episode, it doesn't come off as a forced joke. It fits perfectly into the 1950s cornball world they have created.

Billy Connolly plays the titular pet zombie. He does a great job of getting both laughs and sympathy when needed. When he has his collar on he is like a way more laid back version of Bub from Day of the Dead. The only downside to him playing a zombie is that we don't get to hear his awesome accent. That guy could read the ingredients off of a cereal box and I'd listen.

So, if this sounds like fun then check it out. Fido gets today's arbitrary rating of 5.8 domesticated zombies out of 7.

I LIKE MOVIES #2: DANCE OF THE DEAD

Last night I watched Dance of the Dead. It's currently on Fearnet on demand if you want to check it out. I wasn't expecting much but I'm a sucker for zombie movies. I was pleasantly surprised by this movie. Luckily it didn't try to tread too far into Shaun of the Dead's turf, because it could have in many ways. The turf it does tread upon is very familiar but that doesn't hurt it. In many ways it helps it.

Dance of the Dead is the post-prom pregnancy of countless 80s zombie movies. In it a teen slacker with no aspirations gets dumped by his girlfriend the afternoon before prom because of his apathy and inability to take anything seriously. Zombies attack. He proves he can do something with his life by going to save her. Sounds like Shaun of the Dead, right? Luckily this movie is also pilfering themes and styles from many other aspects of the genre.

Yesterday I mentioned how I liked that the teens in Ginger Snaps don't veer into cliche territory. Today I will praise the opposite. This movie is full of high school stereotypes, but they work in this environment. The sci-fi nerds, the overbearing gym teacher, the unattainable-for-the-geek cheerleaders and prom queens, the cool slackers, the angry tough guy loner with a heart, the punks/metal heads . . . the sportos, the motor heads, geeks, sluts, bloods, wastoids, dweebies, dickheads...they all adore him. They think he's a righteous dude . . . sorry, I was somewhere else there for a minute.

This movie was clearly made with a lot of affection for the genre. Many folks like to debate zombie rules. Are they fast or slow? Do they talk? Do they eat brains or will any human meat suffice? Most of these debates will likely conclude that it's different within each movie's world. Or in a fist fight. Dance of the Dead's zombie rule book kind of picks and chooses from its favorite movies. It has a pretty great cemetery eruption scene that recalls the first two Return of the Living Dead movies but also Dead Alive or maybe even Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon. And it works great. Zombies burst out of the grave like Rey Mysterio and take off after their meals. These zombies cry out for "BRAINS!" although I don't really recall seeing any brain eating, just a whole mess of flesh eating. The movie tries to cover all of its zombie bases. There are slow zombies. There are fast, screaming zombies. They rip people apart and eat their faces, but they still moan for BRAINS to keep our ears entertained. But one thing is for certain: you kill the brain, you kill the ghoul.

Another aspect of the movie that was old fashioned and welcomed was the reason for reanimation. This one was simple. Chemical waste from the power plant. So many movies nowadays try to invent some new way to explain zombies. This felt right out of the 80s. It works.

The ending (this won't ruin anything) gave me the same feeling I had at the end of Demons. I have grand anticipations of some epic, weird, stylized sequel that would continue directly after the events of the first but probably won't ever happen.

Dance of the Dead isn't the most original zombie movie you'll ever see, but it's familiar waters are always refreshing. And considering the current state of zombie movies, you could do a lot worse than this.

So I guess I'll give this three and a half mouthfuls of brains out of five.

Must have been a tough call to not name this Prombies.