I LIKE WEIRD DREAMS

I very rarely remember my dreams. There are only a select few that have made it out of my subconscious to be remembered in my waking life. Two of them were nightmares and the rest were just really weird. I like the weird ones better.

Last night I was dreaming that I was on a cross country road trip with Terry Funk. In the middle of the night we stopped at an isolated old motel. We sat in the dark with the gaunt and creepy motel manager while Terry Funk told sad old man stories. That's all I really remember.

Terry Funk - sad old man

The weirdest dream that I remember having slipped its way out of my sleeping brain as a kid. I was pretty young, probably in the first grade. My brothers and I were being chased through an old castle by Freddy Krueger. It wasn't an ordinary castle though. The stones of the walls were drawn in black crayon. We were basically running through a child's doodle. It was like an episode of Muppet Babies on acid.



There was a a big floating crate that was spinning through the halls of this mysterious castle. My brothers and I had to get to it. Inside this rotating wooden box was apparently the only place that Freddy Krueger wasn't allowed to disembowel us. We were running towards the box with Freddy close behind us. We jumped into the wooden cube at the last possible second. My brothers got in safely but my foot was hanging out of the box. Freddy grabbed me by the ankle and yanked me out of the crate. I did what any wise monster fighter would do in this situation. I spit a mouthful of chewed macaroni in Freddy Krueger's face. I was pretty satisfied with myself, knowing that I had vanquished my foe. Freddy didn't see it that way unfortunately. He reeled back with his bladed hand and swiped at my gut. Then I woke up.

Freddy Krueger's Worst Nightmare!

I guess I should have been scared but the complete absurdity of it made it hard to be frightened. I was so sure that macaroni was going to work! I wonder what all of this says about my mind. I also wonder how many awesomely weird dreams I've forgotten by opening my eyes to the light of morning. I bet there were some doozies!

I'll leave you with an important lesson that I learned from another weird dream I had as a kid. When pirate ships are attacking Massachusetts and only you and your friends can stop them, you are going to be tempted to use the elevator. Be careful. There is a lady in a long tan coat with long blonde hair waiting by the elevator. She is going to turn around and reveal that she has a skeleton face. Don't worry. The door to the stairwell can fly and you and your friends can ride it.