I LIKE SASQUATCH

I'm no Sasquatch expert. I might not even be considered a Sasquatch enthusiast. I don't own any books on Sasquatch. I have never seen Sasquatch in real life. I don't necessarily believe in Sasquatch. But I definitely love this footage:



This classic clip from 1967 is known as the "Patterson film." For centuries people have sought tangible evidence of Sasquatch's existence and back in '67 this video shook the Sasquatch fanatics to their collective core. It is Sasquatch at his absolute best. Actually . . . strike that. THIS is Sasquatch at his absolute best: click here to see Sasquatch at his absolute best.

Anyway, I like the idea of some giant ape-like creature hiding in the depths of the wilderness just so he can have the privacy to walk around like a middle aged guy getting the paper.

There is also an element of the unknown that we are losing as time goes by and this video represents some of the last remaining fibers people are clinging to just to hold onto it. Allow me to take you on a brief jaunt down History Street. At one point in history the earth ended at the horizon. Then somebody took a boat past the horizon and came back. It was proclaimed interesting by all and further research began.

Since then we've been to the moon but not to the deepest depths of our own ocean. And that's enough of a shred of mystery to allow people to believe that there is still something to be discovered in our own world. Like a balding man to his last remaining hairs, we carefully hold on to and groom these hopes that there are still discoveries left to be made. Discoveries like a furry man-thing taking leisurely constitutionals through the remotest hills of North America in order to avoid the general public.

And why wouldn't he want to avoid people. All we apparently try to do to this guy is capture him/kill him for research (worst case scenario), take his picture and bug him when he's tryin to get his litter to Sasquatch school (best case scenario) or try to collect his droppings for documentation (weird case scenario). If I were Sasquatch, I would hide too. And if I needed some quick cash because Squatchie Jr needed braces I would sell my feces to science. Because who is going to believe anything a scientist says while he's holding poop? I guess people should just get off Sasquatch's back for awhile and he'll come by if he needs to borrow something.

And besides, if it was not for Sasquatch there would be no Harry and the Hendersons. And without Harry and the Hendersons where would we be? Now I don't want to be a wet blanket, but I never really liked this movie. I don't dislike it, I just wish there was no plot. And no Hendersons. If the movie was just Harry it would have probably won an Oscar (Boy is my face red. I just did a little research and this movie DID win an Oscar. Congratulations Rick Baker on winning 1988's best makeup award and for making me look like an ass). But on the other hand, if the movie didn't exist as is, then we wouldn't have this scene:


(I apologize for the quality. Only one person was cool enough to post this scene on youtube)

I suppose we still could have had that scene if the movie was just Harry. Imagine it. A full length movie of Harry, a sasquatch, doing things. And I like things.

By the way, the fact that Harry and the Hendersons won an oscar for best makeup only reinforces my point about the movie only needing to be Harry. Because I doubt they gave Rick Baker an award for getting John Lithgow all dolled up.

I suppose my point after all of this is that Sasquatch is funny. I like Sasquatch. Get off his back.

I LIKE THE FACE

Is it a bad thing to plug another blog when I haven't really started this one? Well I've always enjoyed living on the edge so I'm going to do it. I'm a real rebel. One time I sat myself at a restaurant before waiting to be seated. I'm dangerous.

The blog I want to spotlight is about one of my many passions: The Face. If I wrote Webster's Dictionary or Webster's Official Rule Book On Awesome Pictures then the following entry would be found within their pages:

THE FACE


At its most pure, The Face is a wide open mouth with a wide open pair of eyes, staring off camera at quarter profile . . . and ruining someone's picture. "The Face" can strike anywhere and at anytime. Variations and personal nuance, such as face direction, can be incorporated to add an element of individuality to one's own "The Face." There are a few rules to consider, however.

Firstly: no stuck-out tongues.

Secondly: minimal anger. Intensity over emotion or pain is key. Besides, it's hard to get those big round eyes while furrowing one's brow.

Thirdly: Let's keep it family friendly. (You would be surprised what comes up when you google "open mouth.")

Fourthly: Have a great time doing your very own "The Face!"

The site is an ongoing collection of "The Face" pictures and it's updated frequently. And everyday, as it grows bigger, it comes closer and closer to being the best thing on the internet. It's definitely the reason for the internet's existence, anyway. I like hyperbole.

So check it out: doingtheface.blogspot.com

It's making the world a better place one face at a time.

I LIKE THINGS

I like things. I like movies and music and books and people and most anything else that can be classified under such a broad word as "things." I suppose I could have called this "I LIKE STUFF," but I thought of the other title first. And it's too late to change that now.

I haven't exactly figured out what this is going to be, as far as format and structure are concerned. So if any of you who have decided to read my ramblings would bear with me as I further derail my train of thought, I would appreciate it.

I guess I'm just going to write about movies and music and whatever else seems to be occupying my short attention span. They probably won't be reviews as much as cases of me spewing too many words about a part in a movie that I rewound forty times the other night and nobody else will care about. Like in Die Hard when Theo yells, "The quarterback is toast!" I'll probably tell you about that. Maybe I'll have a section called "Unsung Heroes" in which I'll write about characters like him, the ones who deserve a little more recognition. Or maybe I'll just get bored and make a sandwich. I like things. And sandwiches are certainly things.